Navigating the social minefield of holiday gatherings can feel like an Olympic sport. The pressure to be “on,” the forced smiles, and the inevitable barrage of probing questions can leave even the most seasoned social butterfly feeling flustered. But what if we’re approaching awkwardness all wrong?
Alexandra Plakias, a philosopher at Hamilton College and author of “Awkwardness: A Theory,” challenges the common perception that awkwardness is a personal failing. Instead, she argues that awkwardness is a situational phenomenon – a breakdown of the unspoken social scripts that typically guide our interactions. When these scripts falter, we’re left improvising, often stumbling in the process.
The Script Breakdown: Why Awkwardness Happens
Think of social interactions as a carefully choreographed dance. We know the steps, the cues, and the expected responses. However, when the music changes, or a dancer forgets their part, the whole routine falls apart. This is precisely what happens in awkward situations. The comfortable predictability disappears, leaving us feeling exposed and unsure of ourselves.
Plakias suggests that common triggers include forced intimacy (the dreaded hug dilemma), navigating controversial topics (politics at the dinner table), and enduring repetitive, shallow inquiries (“So, how’s work?”). These situations force us to deviate from the norm, requiring us to think on our feet and potentially reveal vulnerabilities.
Reframing Awkwardness: It’s Not
You
, It’s the Situation
The key to surviving, and even thriving, in awkward situations lies in shifting our perspective. By recognizing that awkwardness is a product of the environment rather than a personal flaw, we can diminish its power. Instead of internalizing the discomfort, we can view it as a signal that the social script has gone awry.
This understanding allows us to approach these moments with more self-compassion and less self-judgment. It also empowers us to take control of the narrative. Instead of feeling victimized by the awkwardness, we can actively work to rewrite the script.
Taking Control: Rewriting the Script
So how do we rewrite the script in real-time? Plakias suggests several strategies: humor can defuse tension, honest and empathetic responses can re-center the conversation, and redirection to a neutral topic can shift the focus. The most important thing is to respond in a way that feels authentic and comfortable, even if it means acknowledging the awkwardness directly. “Wow, this is awkward isn’t it?”
Ultimately, awkwardness is an inherent part of the human experience. By understanding its origins and reframing our perspective, we can navigate these moments with more grace and self-assurance. This holiday season, remember that awkwardness is not a personal failing, but a shared human experience. Embrace the cringey moments, rewrite the script, and remember you are not alone.
Based on materials: Vox
