The Forgiveness Myth: Why Anger Can Be a Valid Response
In American culture, forgiveness is often held up as the gold standard of moral behavior, the ultimate act of strength and healing after a wrongdoing. We are taught to strive for it, to offer it readily, and to view its absence as a personal failing. But what if this cultural obsession with forgiveness is, in fact, doing more harm than good? Philosopher Myisha Cherry argues that it’s time to reconsider our uncritical embrace of forgiveness and acknowledge the validity, and even the necessity, of anger.
Reconsidering Forgiveness: A Complex Emotion
Cherry, whose work delves into the intricacies of anger, moral agency, and ethical living, challenges the conventional wisdom surrounding forgiveness. In her book, “Failures of Forgiveness,” she questions what happens when forgiveness becomes an idol, a virtue we demand too quickly and praise too blindly. She suggests that this relentless pursuit of forgiveness can overshadow other legitimate and potentially more constructive responses to harm.
The pressure to forgive can be especially problematic in situations of systemic injustice or abuse, where the power dynamics are inherently unequal. Demanding forgiveness from a victim can feel like invalidating their experience and silencing their pain. It can also absolve the perpetrator of responsibility and prevent meaningful accountability.
Embracing Anger: A Necessary Emotion
Anger, often demonized as a destructive force, can be a powerful catalyst for change and a vital tool for self-preservation. It can signal that a boundary has been crossed, a wrong has been committed, or a value has been violated. When expressed constructively, anger can motivate us to take action, to advocate for ourselves and others, and to fight for justice.
Cherry argues that anger can be a healthy and appropriate response to injustice, and that it doesn’t necessarily preclude the possibility of forgiveness in the future. In fact, allowing ourselves to feel and process anger can be a crucial step towards genuine healing. Suppressing anger, on the other hand, can lead to resentment, bitterness, and even physical and mental health problems.
Beyond Forgiveness: A Spectrum of Responses
Instead of viewing forgiveness as the only acceptable response to wrongdoing, we need to recognize that there is a spectrum of valid emotions and actions. Sometimes, forgiveness is possible and beneficial. Other times, it may be premature, inappropriate, or even harmful. In such cases, other responses, such as setting boundaries, seeking justice, or simply acknowledging the pain and anger, may be more constructive.
Ultimately, the decision to forgive is a personal one, and it should not be imposed or judged by others. By challenging the cultural imperative to forgive and embracing the validity of anger, we can create a more nuanced and compassionate understanding of healing and justice.
SOURCE INFORMATION:
TITLE: Yes, your anger and forgiveness can coexist
DESCRIPTION: Open almost any conversation about wrongdoing in America, and the idea of forgiveness will not be far behind. It’s one of our most cherished cultural ideals. We talk about it as a form of moral strength, as something good people do, as the final step in healing. Forgiveness is often framed as the path to […]
CONTENT: Open almost any conversation about wrongdoing in America, and the idea of forgiveness will not be far behind. It’s one of our most cherished cultural ideals. We talk about it as a form of moral strength, as something good people do, as the final step in healing. Forgiveness is often framed as the path to closure and reconciliation. And when someone refuses to forgive, we tend to treat that refusal as a flaw rather than a legitimate response to what was done. Myisha Cherry thinks we should slow down. Cherry is a philosopher whose work explores anger, moral agency, and the complexities of ethical life. Her recent book, Failures of Forgiveness, asks what happens when forgiveness becomes something we idolize. What gets lost when we demand it too quickly, praise it too uncritically, or treat it as the only road to healing? I invited Cherry onto The Gray Area to talk about why forgiveness is harder and more complicated than we tend to admit, and why anger deserves more respect than
SOURCE: Vox
Based on materials: Vox
